"I don't have friends, I have family. At the end of the day, that's all I need."
We open the topic with a quote from David Guetta's new song — Family (feat. Bebe Rexha, Ty Dolla $ign & A Boogie Wit da Hoodie). Think about your own friends. How long have you known them, how did you find each other, what stages has your relationship gone through? Friendships are interpersonal relationships — a need for shared interests — and our parents push us toward forming them from a very young age. With true friends a person gets back on their feet in their weakest moments, finds support in the toughest situations, and shares joy and happiness. With your friends you are your true self; you let loose the spirit that wants freedom and to discover what's new. Sometimes friends are even closer than our family and relatives, and they actually become a kind of second family that we also become attached to and love.
5 stages of friendship relationships
Friendship relationships are an interesting process — they develop over time, take energy, and become deeper. We share and disclose more, and somewhere along the way, trust appears. The development of a friendship goes through several stages — according to Social Penetration Theory, there are five:
The first stage is orientation — we have so-called "small talks," play it safe, and follow the standards of what's commonly accepted.
Exploratory stage — we start to open up more, venturing into topics seen, mildly speaking, as risky here at home: education, politics, religion. We may not say what we really think, since we don't yet feel comfortable expressing such opinions, but this is the "testing the waters" stage.
Emotional stage — we start sharing feelings and personal subjects at a deeper level. Critique can also appear here.
Stability stage — the relationship is established; we can even predict each other's reactions.
Decline — when the relationship deteriorates, withdrawal sets in from one or both sides, along with miscommunication, leading to the relationship's end.
Over time, sometimes relationships change to the point of becoming a kind of toxic bond that demands and drains your life energy. In many cases a friendship resembles a romantic relationship — calls for attention, time spent together, trust, closeness, support, and so on. When those needs go unmet, problems, miscommunication, and irritation appear over time, and the "healthiest" decision turns out to be ending it. Also, with the years, friends shrink in number, the time we devote to them grows scarcer, and it becomes harder to find new friends — yet humans are social creatures by nature. You may have wondered how to make new friends and expand your circle. Here are several factors that increase the chances of friendship.
Factors that increase the chances of new friendships
The Ben Franklin effect — when we help someone, we increase our chances of liking them more. The reason is that we justify our action to ourselves: we did the favor because we like this person.
The empathy hypothesis — if we feel empathy toward someone, we're more likely to come to their aid.
The pratfall effect — clumsiness makes people like us. We come across as more ordinary, more relatable, and more like everyone else; we manage to be funny, and that automatically wins us points — including by comparison with the smart and the intellectual.
The proximity effect — the more we meet and interact with people, the more we increase our chances of friendship with them; we get to know them and find traits we like. Friendships emerge in the apartment block, the neighborhood, the workplace, the school — and in every place where people gather. That said, it's still good to watch out for ulterior motives.
Reinforcement theory — this speaks of learning through associations and consequences. With the first, we like people who happen to be near us when we feel good — even when they have no part in that state. Over time we start linking them with the good feeling, but that doesn't necessarily make them friends. According to the theory, the best test of a friendship is when you have something to lose and nothing to gain. With learning through consequences, we like people who reward us. The rewards can include friendly treatment, a smile, or a generally positive attitude directed at us.
We also dedicated a playlist to the topic of friendship, which we put together for you:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1wfrYMCADpRXyU8RVofc7H?si=0309da4c3bdb4a0c