You probably have at least one acquaintance who wants to be everywhere. Never misses a birthday party, is the first at building meetings, always ahead on the best deals. You secretly think they have a lot of free time (and money) and somehow manage to show up everywhere. Or you have no idea they may be suffering from the painful condition called FOMO. It's tied to the anxiety of missing something important (FOMO = Fear of missing out).
FOMO is the gnawing feeling that we're not part of the exciting, worthwhile things happening around us. If you recognize yourself in that — beyond our sympathy, here are 5 strategies for coping.
- Pinpoint exactly which thoughts and feelings in us trigger FOMO
Maybe we feel jealous and angry that our friends are out bowling while we're home with a fever? Or we find out that our colleagues went to lunch without telling us? People's reactions usually vary along their inner, unconscious confidence–insecurity scale. The more insecure a FOMO person we are, the more personally we may take others' actions. We may even decide they're conspiring against us, or having far more fun than they actually are. At the other extreme — the endlessly self-confident person who suffers from FOMO will be sure that someone else will shine in their place.
2. Avoid comparisons with other people
It helps to understand the actual situation that triggered the FOMO anxiety, and to work on the emotions and states it produces. Be grateful for everything that surrounds the situation — for example, that you have friends, that you have a job. Comparisons with others, which aren't in our favor, hang over us like an eternally hungry monster ready to devour us. Don't let it. As Freud said, "The only person you should compare yourself with is the you of the past".
Notable dates and quotes — Sigmund Freud
3. Deactivate your social media accounts until you've gotten a grip on FOMO.
Over the past decade, social media has driven up FOMO-related anxiety. Through it, every day we witness the lives of others — lives we're not part of. And although we're likely to go through a tough withdrawal, try living for a few days without Facebook and Instagram. Your brain will rest not only from the eye-tiring screens, but also from the emotion of being a quiet bystander to others' amazing, fantastic, and intensely-coveted lives.
Even children now know there's something heavily exaggerated in the polished photos of ordinary people and celebrities alike. The bravest among them — like singers Pink and Halsey — have shared that behind their dazzling smiles often hid deep depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. Often controlled with medication and therapy.
People who flaunt their wealth, high standards of living, beautiful and clever friends, and degrees from prestigious universities, often suffer from a painful desire to please others, to feed their insecurity with lots of likes, and to prove to themselves that they're worth a lot. Recall the made-up story about the highly paid software engineer at Google who wanted to be like the supposedly happy clown at a kid's birthday party.
Therapy will take about… 5 years
4. Stay busy
Finding a favorite activity or hobby that brings us joy and fills our time is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. We'll be busy with something else, instead of staring at a glittering social media feed. And we'll stay away from what other people are doing and from the countless events we feel we absolutely have to attend. At least until we've gotten FOMO under control and others' photos no longer hurt us. Instead they'll just be an interesting topic of conversation.
5. Learn to say "No!"
FOMO can be very persistent, that's true. But if we start saying "Yes" to people we care about and enjoy spending time with, its intensity will decrease. Accordingly, we can save the "No" for relatives and acquaintances who burden us, drag us into unnecessary expenses, or simply aren't pleasant to be around.
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