I recently heard a child say: "ChatGPT understands me more than my parents." He said it with a smile, watching for my reaction as a psychologist. But there was something sad in that smile. Behind it lay a sense of loneliness — that the machine "hears" him, while the people closest to him do not.
We know — life is busy, the pace is fast, we adults are too tired. And children sometimes speak unintelligibly, too emotionally; their problems are so "insignificant compared to ours"... In such moments, the temptation to postpone the conversation is great. Or to quickly give advice, to correct, to tame, just so they'll "get out of our hair."
Emotional maturity has nothing to do with intellectual level or professional success
You can be the CEO of a large company and lead thousands of people with professional competence, confidence, and discipline — and yet still have no real emotional connection with your children.
You can have several university degrees and still feel helpless in the face of your own child's tears.
Emotional maturity is not proven with diplomas, but with presence, empathy, and the ability to stay by your child's side, even when it's hard.
Children do not need instructions and "pull yourself together." They are looking for connection. They are looking for a parent who will hear them, not fix them; who will feel them, not interrupt them to say: "Oh, what you've got is nothing. If you only knew what happened to me today..." or: "Big deal, it'll pass!" "Stop crying over nonsense." "Stop crying or I'll give you a real reason to cry." "What's wrong with you now?" "Come on, pull yourself together, you big crybaby (baby, whiner, fool, sucker...)" "You'll see when you grow up!" "Do you even think before you speak?"
Repeated several times, these phrases become a killer of healthy communication between parent and child. A thick wall that stops the child from opening up again. Because the child is not looking for a rational explanation or a solution to their problems. They want simple presence — someone who understands them and will stay with them in the sadness, in the worry, in the anger, in the confusion. Which happens through the brief: "I understand you. And I'm here."
As easy as it sounds, this short phrase actually requires that the parent themselves be emotionally mature and have successfully gone through their own life path of emotional growth.
Checklist for emotionally mature parenting (mark for yourself with "yes" or "no")
🔲 I can listen to my child without immediately giving advice.
🔲 I accept their difficult emotions too, without minimizing them.
🔲 I say "I'm sorry" when I'm wrong.
🔲 I know there are no forbidden emotions, only forbidden behavior.
🔲 I am able to set boundaries calmly, without shouting or humiliation.
🔲 I do not project my own fears and ambitions onto my child.
🔲 I give them the feeling that they are loved and not rejected or threatened, even when they are upset or disobedient.
🔲 I know my own emotions and know how to handle them in a way that is constructive for everyone, even when my child triggers a strong reaction in me.
🔲 I can admit that I am not always right, and I am not afraid to show vulnerability in front of my child.
🔲 I respect my child's personal space and boundaries, even when I'm emotionally affected.
🔲 I try to understand what's behind the behavior, instead of just reacting to it.
🔲 I try not to give the silent treatment for long stretches and to remain open to communication, even when I'm very angry with my child.
If you have a "no" answer, this doesn't make you a bad parent — it's a reason for reflection and for taking concrete steps toward emotional growth and self-awareness.
10 signs of emotional maturity — Media Psychology
Empathy doesn't cancel out boundaries. It strengthens them
Being an emotionally mature parent does not mean giving up on raising your child. On the contrary — it means doing it consciously, with respect for the child's feelings, but also with clarity about the parent's position and role. Saying "I understand you" doesn't mean accepting everything. It means showing that you see the human being behind the behavior, before setting the boundary.
An emotionally mature parent isn't soft, powerless, or overly permissive. They say:
"I understand you're angry, but I won't accept hitting."
"I see it's hard for you to stop, and that's why I'll help you — it's time to put the tablet/phone away, we'll turn off the TV and read a book / play with Lego together."
"It's okay to be sad, but talking with insults — that's not okay. It hurts me too. It's better to hug each other when we're sad, than to be rude to one another."
Children grow up healthiest where there is love and structure, mutual understanding, warmth, and a shared direction. Boundaries that are set clearly and consistently do not exclude closeness. They actually make it possible and make the space safe and predictable. This is something artificial intelligence cannot give, no matter how smart it is — it cannot hug, and it cannot raise a child with heart.
And what if I'm not emotionally mature (yet)?
Emotional maturity is something that gets built — and sometimes has to be therapized and rebuilt from scratch. To change the anchored patterns we received or built ourselves in our own childhood, in order to survive emotionally. And it's hard to manage on your own, just as it's hard to look at yourself objectively from the outside.
Look for communities for conscious parenting. Read evidence-based books on modern, competent parenting. Learn more about the method of non-violent communication. Sign up for a course or webinar on emotional intelligence and social skills. Find a therapist to support you on this journey. Or simply start with a small but important step: be a conscious and curious adult, one who is searching and self-reflective.
The child is not looking for a perfect parent. They are looking for you — a human being who, every day, makes the effort to understand and to take care both of their child and of themselves, and of their child even better, full of willingness to learn from their mistakes and with the courage to stay by their child's side, even when they don't know what to say.
10 signs of emotional immaturity — Media Psychology
